apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
