After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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