I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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