yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
