i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
