got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
