When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
