you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
