How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
