I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
