i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
