On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
