every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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