ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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