Your face is a jimmy john
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
