I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
