Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
