Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
