Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
