Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
