I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They took my balls.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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