plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
