Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Panties = found
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
