I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
did i walk over a car last night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
