I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
