roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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