just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
