You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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