We're facebook friends in real life
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
