Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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