Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
