Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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