i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
