I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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