He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
