3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
