Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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