I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
