i jhust puked up my retainher.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
