never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
