I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I want to be your penis for a week.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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