yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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