just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
