In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
