I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think my moral compass just broke
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
