So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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