ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
