If i come over, it means nothing
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
