You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
