I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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