I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I need a beard to bite.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
