Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
