Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
